The truth is, I’m always looking to get mine. Not a pretty thing to admit but its true. My little mind is always operating. What’s in it for me? Is there enough for me? Why does she have the bigger piece of pizza? When will I get this? When will I get that? Oh, I’m so happy for you, but what about me?!!
I realized this ugly bit of humanness about a year ago. My brother was telling me about a mutual friend’s recent engagement. As he’s telling me, I watch my mind wander: Will she be moving in with her fiancé? Because, if so, maybe I can rent (at an obscenely gauche rate) her nice 2-bedroom family-owned apartment on Park and 70-something…. What?!! I awake to the absurdity of my reverie and laugh at the silly notion of me (a friend slash acquaintance) renting her family’s apartment on the UES. Slowly my mind returns to the congratulations in order.
So, in yet another act of selfishness, I’m taking the 29-day Giving Challenge. 29 gifts Why? Because I want more gratitude.
I stumbled across the 29-day site looking for work on Craigslist. There was an ad asking for personal essay submissions. Now, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong at all with finding work, wanting to get ahead in the world, make a name for yourself, buy a country house and amass more cashmere, for these are all things to which I aspire. However, sometimes my aspirations get in the way, bog me down. In fact, my aspirations likely keep me from actually getting more, because somehow more is never enough.
So in the spirit of “If you want more, desire less”, I’m going to focus on giving for the next 29 days and see what happens. Can I forget about myself for 45 seconds? I know I give in many ways on daily basis but for 29 days I’m going to really give with intent and get creative in the ways I give. I’m even going to try to give away something I feel like I can’t live without. Sounds great in theory- will be another thing leaving my sticky little mitts. Cami Walker founder of 29 gifts is asking for 2000 people to accept the challenge by midnight tonight, should you care to join.
