Blogging and Other Things I Thought I’d Never Do

Start smoking. Smoke for 17 years. Quit smoking. Use half & half in my coffee.  Own a pair of Uggs. Wear Uggs. Date an only child after dating an only child. Sing in the school choir. Not vote. Laugh at Howard Stern. Meditate. Go to strip clubs. Ride the cross-town bus. Fall out of love with my first boyfriend. Fall out of love with my second boyfriend. Go to a movie with subtitles. Knit. Play video games. Get a Brazilian. Smoke pot. Drop acid. Eat mushrooms. Snort coke. Sleep with a stranger. Forget the name of a stranger and resort to calling him the hot guy from URI. Attend my baby sister’s wedding at 30 and single. Go to a Milli Vanilli concert. Pray. Admit to loving Britney Spears and each of her genius singles.  Eat Indian food. Enjoy Indian food. Write a screenplay. Sing Karaoke on stage. Enjoy a musical. Get inspired to tears at a musical. Twice. Read a boyfriend’s email.  Wear pre-ripped jeans for $280. Get a share in the Hamptons. Stop writing by hand only. Own a cell phone. Get DVR. Watch reality TV. DVR reality TV. Go to couples therapy. Meditate. Listen to my mom talk about Jesus and not freak out. Lie. Take anti-depressants. Tweeze my eyebrows. Work in fashion. Not work in fashion. Drive drunk. Consider asking a dermatologist to jam Restalyne-filled needles into my face. Want to have Restalyne jammed into my face. Tell every last secret to one person.  Become an AT&T customer again. Miss my best friend’s wedding. Throw up all over myself in the middle of Heathrow airport. Stop pining after Danny VanWinkle. Eat 50 Buffalo wings in one sitting. Really, really fall in love. Tell the truth. Find that experience totally excruciating. Listen to Country music. Cheat on a boyfriend. Go to a tanning salon. Take a vow to stop going to the tanning salon. Figure out what I want to do with my life. Quit ballet. Wear headgear, stirrup pants and a bad perm. Wake up from a blackout on a stage in Nashville with the lead singer staring at me. Tell a guy “It’s you, not me”. Learn to change the toner in the office Xerox machine. Order the toner for the office Xerox machine. Apologize to the girl I used to berate for not ordering and changing the toner in the Xerox machine. Develop a strange curiosity for midwifery. Sponsor a Sally Struthers’ kid named Angela. Cry at the sight of the ocean. Cry at pretty much anything. Wear sweatpants with initials brandished across the ass. Rent a convertible.  Go on a coffee date. Blog.